Whenever you have to endure or overhear misogynistic, chauvinistic, or otherwise offensive comments, VENT. HERE. Please tell us (in as vague or minutely detailed language as you so desire) what you heard and how it was responded to.
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15 responses so far ↓
Spitfire // March 6, 2008 at 2:32 pm |
I commute to work using public transportation. Yes, it does suck to wait for the bus when it’s only 20 degrees outside, but that was nothing compared to this exchange with “Mervin,” who is creepy and inept:
Mervin: “I’m giving the visiting IT guy a ride to the train station if you’d like one too.”
me: “sure, that’d be great. thanks.”
Mervin: “yeah, there’s just something horribly wrong with seeing a grown man waiting for the bus.”
Mervin was saying this over his shoulder as he walked away. I was offended when he said it, but then he’s known to be insensitive and say exactly what he shouldn’t. So I decided to just ignore him as usual.
At COB I met Mervin and mr. visiting IT person at the door, at which point Mervin repeated his grown-man theory. (Clearly, he was proud of this one.)
Mervin: “I just can’t stand seeing a Grown Man wait for the bus.”
me: “and yet you have no problem watching ME wait for the bus everyday.”
Mervin: “well, that’s different.”
me: “is. it.”
Mervin: “well, yeah, because women are made to endure abuse. all abuse, and that includes cold weather.”
[stunned silence, so he continues]
“yes, women are MADE to handle abuse from men–”
me: “WHAT??”
visiting IT man broke in: “Mervin, what happened to you that makes me so antaganistic to women? I’ve heard many of your other ‘theories’ and man, i just have got to know”
Mervin then explained that “i dated this woman whose father was an alcoholic and her ex beat her up. and what did i do? nothing. i was perfect to her and she left me to go back to her ex. that’s what you have to do with women these days: treat them badly and you become immortal in their eyes. you’ll be forgotten and discarded if you’re nice and decent to a woman.”
Mervin then continued to explain that all women are golddiggers, as evidenced by all the russian women he meets at bars and “he knows” how “they got here” but “you can’t ask them that!! boy, they don’t like it when you ask them that.”
I interjected whenever I could: “you can’t say that allllll women want a sugar daddy– ”
“you can’t say that all women like abusive relationships– ”
But, by this point, I’m in shock. What more can I say?
Thank god the ride to the train station isn’t very long.
mayhem // March 21, 2008 at 5:15 pm |
a man at work who recently immigrated to the US told me that he liked that i wore dresses to work and that i often took care to look nice.
how sweet of this old man.
oh no.
he proceeded to tell me that the men in the world make the laws and the women in the world make the manners. how do women make the manners? by looking pretty and being an object to admire; if the women do not appear pretty and demure, why would then men admire and respect them and subsequently make the laws to protect them?
i sat there, dumbfounded that this seemly innocent comment that he liked my dress had quickly turned into a lesson on patriarchy.
how. do. you. respond? his cultural norm is different than mine, and i didn’t want to be disrespectful, yet i was totally appalled at what he was saying. would my acidic tongue come out had he been mr. johnson from down the street? you bet.
didn’t know how to handle this one but to smile and nod from my perch on the pedestal.
mayhem // April 3, 2008 at 3:23 pm |
woman #1: oh my gosh, i love your hair! you look great as a brunette!
woman #2: thanks, but i don’t really like it like this. at all. but my boyfriend likes it, so i guess that’s all that really matters.
anniecat // April 6, 2008 at 2:25 pm |
i canvassed for years and i learned a lot about how many ameircan households were run. it made me sad. about three times a night i would hear conversations like these.
wifey: honey, are we democrat or republicans?
hubby: you vote republican.
wifey: honey, am i pro-choice or pro-life?
wifey: oh i don’t know how i feel about your cause. my husband isn’t here but if you come back i can ask him.
*SIGGGGGGGH*
Jack // May 3, 2008 at 4:58 am |
Today Spitfire and I went to a gift shop in Alexandria, Virginia. It was called ‘America!’
It was filled with political regalia, presidential mugs, bushisms, white house spoons, etc. And a whole section dedicated to hating hillary clinton. Nutcrackers, toilet brushes, books entitled “Why Hillary Shouldn’t Be President,” etc. Not a single negative McCain or Obama souvenir.
I like Obama, but still, I didn’t really like that.
Furthermore, so so so so so many Mr. President souvenirs; mouse pads, mugs, shirts, hats, memo pads, everything you can imagine. Also, so so so so so many First Lady souvenirs, yet only one Madame President souvenir. I bought it. A mug for my grandmother. Honestly, it seems that it’s about time that things like this start to change.
Klarenka // July 15, 2008 at 11:37 pm |
Today in my Russian language class we were discussing a letter from fictional “Tanya” to an advice columnist about her fictional lazy bum boyfriend “Mitya”. We went around the room and said how we would answer the letter. My response was, in not so many Russian words, that I would boot any freeloader to the curb. One of the boys in the class said, in English, “That’s typical violent feminist bullshit.” I guess he thought it was unfair that so many women got to stay at home for so many years, not having to work, just sitting on the couch eating bonbons, and “Mitya” isn’t allowed to! Stupid feminists!
Klarenka // August 9, 2008 at 1:17 am |
“Successful stalking is called ‘marriage’.”
esmerelda // August 12, 2008 at 3:57 pm |
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Klarenka // August 19, 2008 at 7:35 pm |
“Are you interested in natural birth because you hate men?”
Angela // February 13, 2009 at 6:03 am |
I worked with a very sad, desperate insecure girl a few years back who was trying to get a second job at another bar. A bar (not hooters, worse) where the bartenders wear cut off tank tops and boy-short style UNDERWEAR as the uniform and have to try it on for the fat, gross male owner in the interview to get hired.
As she was talking about it her own words were “I mean, being skanky to make money? It doesn’t get any better than that!”
I had to excuse myself from the table and go to the bathroom to right it down I was so appaled.
amidala // September 22, 2009 at 3:17 am |
I am a PA (peer advisor, similar to an RA) in college. Once a month we have an all hall. In September our all hall was a grill out. Jordan (a fellow PA) and I were in charge of cooking/grilling/preparing the food. Jordan has never grilled before and said he’d hand all the work over to me because he had no idea what he was doing anyway.
I fired up the grill and began making the burgers and veggie burgers and hot dogs when another PA (Adam) came over and looked appaled that I was standing at the grill. He looked around and said, “Why don’t we get a man on here for the meat? You shouldn’t be here!” My mouth fell to the floor–surely he had to be kidding?! Nope. He wasn’t.
A few minutes later our hall director came up to Jordan and I (Jordan had migrated to where the food was) and he did not even look at me, but instead took the tools from me and explained to Jordan step by step how to make burgers correctly and then handed the tools to Jordan and complimented him on what a fabulous job he had been doing so far.
spitfire // September 22, 2009 at 9:22 am |
you have got to be kidding me.
that is fucking ridiculous. did you say anything else to the hall director? like “excuse me, I think I’ve got this under control?” Why did the hall director come over anyway?? Did Adam go tattle that A GIRL WAS GRILLING?!?!?! THE HORRORS!!!!
Sexism: Alive and THRIVING it would appear in college.
FIGHT IT, AMIDALA, YOU’RE OUR ONLY HOPE!
amidala // September 22, 2009 at 4:30 pm |
I was too shocked from my hall director to address him. I mostly stood there gaping and then yelling that they needed to flip the burger s before they burned. Adam however got more than an ear full. Ever since that encounter he seems to be a little more careful about what he says.
No, Adam said nothing to our hall director, the hall director kept hovering from the moment he saw i was running the grill. He kept asking if I needed to be relieved or if I wanted to go eat and kept trying to take over, but I stood my ground and kept the grill running smooth. Whenever Jordan would have a problem, (every minute or so) I’d calmly help him and just smile knowing that I was the one who knew what to do. My girls from my floor (and surprisingly a few of Adam’s boys) whooped and hollered how proud they were and what a good job I was doing. I was happy to set a good example for my floor!
Thanks Spitfire–I’m hoping the force is with me!
Steph // October 9, 2009 at 6:46 pm |
I work at a NPO and this week one of the organizations’ board members decided he wanted to write a letter to the editor in response to a recent event. He contacted my executive director to help him do this because she’s a journalist, has spent many years writing for newspapers and is an amazing writer. She took what he wanted to convey in the letter, wrote it, and emailed it to him. He wrote back to her, criticizing her writing, saying he ‘didn’t want to ruffle any feathers’ but as a ‘rational man’ he felt that a number of changes needed to be made and went on to list them.
Well thank goodness he was able to provide guidance to such an irrational woman doing him a favor.
UGH.
agirl // November 19, 2009 at 9:37 am |
I’m a doctor. I’m also young, and have all my teeth. About twice a week an older male calls me nurse (I have deep respect for nurses, but if I wanted to be called one I’d have done that degree instead), despite my ever-so-prominent name badge with my proper title on it. About three times a day someone calls me ‘luv’, or ‘dear’, even ’sweetheart’. For professional reasons I feel unable to respond as I’d prefer, but I do develop quite profound selective deafness, and can be rendered completely unresponsive until my actual title returns to their memory. (Other suggestions for dealing appropriately with the situation would be hugely appreciated.)
Just discovered this blog and am a little bit in love, by the way…