It’s hot as Hades here in New York and because of it I’ve been thinking about boobs a lot lately. Like the wise Regina Spektor once said “summer in the city / means cleavage, cleavage, cleavage.” And it’s true! Tank tops, tube tops, strappy sundresses, they’re rampant in this city and most show a bit o’ boob. I myself enjoy strappy tops and dresses in this hot weather, but what I do not enjoy is the (male) attention I get when the twins are more ventilated. Any other woman will understand the boob stares that her top may elicit at any given moment, and it’s frustrating to explain to men–there is no equivalent of such a visible personal body part for men. My boobs are not public property; I do not want them to be ogled, I do not want them to be judged, and I sure as all hell don’t want you to ‘accidently’ rub up against them in the subway.
And yet celebrities breasts, along with their entire image, are always judged and ogled in such a public way, as if their only function is eye candy for the gaze. I found this video through my gossip guilty pleasure, ohnotheydidnt. It linked to a show called The Young Turks and in this youtube clip the two hosts (male and female) discuss In Touch‘s recent top 10 list of the best breasts in Hollywood. Watch the whole thing and become absolutely enraged at the horrible misogynistic things that come out of this man’s mouth. A few choice douchebag quotes, along with my commentary, after the cut.
The video contains pictures of the ten nominated women along with the analysis that the hosts give, most coming from the male host. He repeatedly says “congratulations, congratulations” and at first I wasn’t sure if he was congratulating In Touch for their choices, or congratulating the women for having such fine boobs, as if they could help it; all of the breasts chosen are natural. But he is clearly congratulating the women themelves (“congrats top 3, that’s where you belong”) and I really have a problem with that. I personally do not want congratulations for my breasts, a body part that I have no control over, that was not created for public consumption, and that is not there strictly for your enjoyment. I know some women enjoy this gaze, this congratulations, but I really wonder why. (Attention is attention?)
For those of you who didn’t watch it, here’s a few of the horrible things that were said:
- Jennifer Aniston is regarded as “tits on a stick” (the female presenter actually said that one) I’m not sure if this is a judgement of her skinny stature, or what. Regardless, this title ticks me off.
- (When discussing Megan Fox) “…yeah, rock & roll, definitely deserves to be on the list, congratulations, nicely done.” (What has she done other than lived her life in the body her parents gave her?!! This offer of congratulations annoys me.)
- (When discussing Katherine Heigl) “Bravo, bravo, well done. she usually hides them [picture on screen changes] OH WELL DONE! Now we’re getting into some real breasts, before we were just kinda playing around.” (Further making me want to “hide” my breasts because I would hate for this man to bravo my boobs.)
- “[Scarlett Johansson’s] are the real deal. Come on. game, set, match, it’s over […] I only like Scarlett for her breasts…” (Using tennis lingo to further demonstrate that rating women is in fact a game, yet one in which the women have no control over their participation.)
- “Jessica Simpson’s got really large cans, she’s done some really good work in that field.” (Excuuuuuse me? She’s “done good work in that field?” What the hell does that even mean??!!)
- (When discussing Tyra Banks) “But do you wanna know about saggage? She’s talked about saggage. I bet you without a bra you’ve got some SERIOUS ASS SAGGAGE on her…but she’s earned it, she’s earned the right to sag after keepin’ them up for so long, for so many years.” (Oh. My. God. How. The hell. Can you. Say that she’s “earned” her saggage. Sagging breasts are natural, and how dare you imply that one must “earn” a natural progression of the body that you appear to have such problems with. How DARE you.)
- (Congratulating In Touch for their list) “You’ve got two top 3 girls nailed–excuse the pun!”
I honestly don’t even know what to say I was just so enraged by this video. I understand that these women are celebrities and are therefore (for whatever reason in our warped celebrity-centered world) regarded as public property to judge and ridicule. That in itself should, by the way, stop. But what upsets me is that this appears to be regular dialogue; you know that this man, and many men, talk this way and judge women this way in their daily life, celebrity or not. And that upsets me because like I said, my breasts are a part of my body that I don’t want to be incessantly ogled and yet they’re there–fact. I don’t want to hide them behind baggy t-shirts all the time, but if I wear something more revealing I don’t want men to regard them as public property. When it’s 90 degrees and humid to high hell and I’m sweating my body weight in the subway, I want to wear a summer dress. But not if my breasts are regarded like this man treats these celebrities’ breasts.
And this is where my frustration lies.