Thank YOU, Mr. Bond, for alienating your female fans!

When Daniel Craig was unveiled as the new Bond in 2006 I was psyched.  Casino Royale was everything I knew the Bond films could be: amazingly action-packed and woman-friendly.  I wasn’t 100% satisfied, but come on, look where we’re coming from– anyway– I was STOKED when I first started seeing the new Quantum of Solace posters.  I was naively assuming that this film would fall into stride with the previous film and I was so excited to see what they would do with this one…..But what they did is drop the fu*#ing ball.  The opening chase/fight sequence was as frustrating as the opener of the Bourne Supremacy (wait– who’s leg is that?  is that Bond or do I want him to fall?  where am i?) and then, the title sequence kicked in.  If you remember, the title sequence from Casino Royale was freakin AMAZING.  Watch it here; if you need a refresher.  Talk about raising the bar.

After the shaky beginning, I was anxious for the title sequence; it was a make or break type situation and it started off well enough…until he started wandering the sand dunes and I just knew they were going to turn those dunes into giant naked women.  I was half-heartedly hoping they would surprise me and turn them into something else- anything else!- related to the plot, but no.  And then the movie had to go and suck (think: no plot, every kind of chase scene imaginable, and dialogue that could’ve been written by an infant 2 days out of the womb).  Watch the opener here to see if you agree with me. 

I realize that it’s the classic bait and switch– hook me with Casino Royale and then spout out this plotless, throwback drivel.  Why, Hollywood, WHY????  I don’t want to see naked girating females in my action movies; I want to see men and women kicking ass together (and you know, if they get naked in a consensual and respectful manner along the way, I’m down with that too).  Mark this at #564391 in my list of disappointing action flicks.

I’ll save you the trip: RENT IT. 

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7 responses to “Thank YOU, Mr. Bond, for alienating your female fans!

  1. I agree. I was particularly disappointed with how phoned in the ‘Strawberry Fields’ character. She showed up, announced her name, slept with Bond and was passed over by the plot for the next girl before they even bothered to kill her off.

    And the plot? I mean, it didn’t even seem like they were *trying* to make anything hang together. “Oh hey – we’re in a hotel now. But this hotel is lined with explosives. Let’s hope everyone is careful with their firearms OH CRAP”

    Casino Royale was far better. That said, I did still like Daniel Craig. But let’s hope they put a little more effort in the next one.

  2. until he started wandering the sand dunes and I just knew they were going to turn those dunes into giant naked women. I was half-heartedly hoping they would surprise me and turn them into something else- anything else!- related to the plot, but no.

    Well, you’ve saved me $8 and given me a laugh – thanks!

  3. I’m sorry, did y’all miss the main female character who is not a sex object for Bond to fuck and dump, who ends up fulfilling her goal of killing her family’s murderer, who worked with Bond to enter the hotel but did the actual deed without him supervising or helping? Do you see that part? The whole middle part of the movie with the female character, who though not on the same level as Sarah Connor or Ellen Ripley, still manages to kick some ass and is NOT a damsel in distress?

    And what about M? Do you remember that character? One of the only female characters over age 55 who is not a MILF, who likely kicked some ass when she was younger and is now Johnny On the Spot for MI6? The one who is fucking in charge of everything and doesn’t take shit from anyone?

    I’m definitely not going to argue with the confusing opening chase scene, or the creepy opening credits (naked sand dune babes? what the fuck was that?), and I’ll gladly express my regret at Fields’ fate. But give Camille some fucking credit, ladies.

  4. And gentlemen. Ladies AND gentlemen. Excuse me. 🙂

  5. Pingback: FKORS » Archive » in which all fart jokes are carbon neutral

  6. klarenka:
    i hear you.
    and i agree with you that Judi Dench’s M rocked, and continues to rock, my face off.
    and i hesitantly agree with you about the main female character whose name is escaping me at the moment…there were aspects about her character (which you list here) that warmed the cockles of my heart, however, it infuriates me that the powers-that-be could have cast a kickin’ Latina actor to play this part, but instead cast a Russian, gave her a tan, and explained her away by saying that her mother was a Russian dancer.

  7. Perhaps they cast Ukranian Olga Kurylenko as Camille because she out-performed others at her audition – including some Latinas?

    Having been a performing artist (musician) who gets gigs based on auditions myself, I’m usually rarely bothered by casting choices.

    Is that single fact causing all of your hesitation?

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